Just like that old SNL skit with Gilda Radner's character Emily Litella....

"Nevermind..."

Ummm...yeah, sorry...

Dear Blogreaders,

Dear Blogreaders,

In the words of my friend Steve the Bottle Guy, Como esta frijoles...how have you BEAN? (yuk, yuk, yuk)

I'd like to share with you today the reason WHY I write my blog. I write my blog for a few different reasons:
1. Because I like to write - and this gives me a chance to from time to time
2. To share my thoughts with my friends, acquaintences, and strangers alike.
3. To keep my friends abreast on current happenings in my life

For the most part I try and keep things on a happy and positive note. I like to make my friends smile and I like to hear from them how much they enjoyed my post or how I made them think.

With this in mind I have one small message for one small percent of those of you who read my blog. (and you probably know who you are)

If my blog offends you, pisses you off, or "sickens" you, please stop reading the damn thing.

Pissing you off, sickening you, or offending you is not anywhere on my list of reasons to write in this blog. In fact, hearing of how my posts sicken you does only one thing - makes me not want to write anymore. In addition - reading that in YOUR blog pisses me off, which is why I will no longer be visiting your little place in cyberspace. I know that I control my own happiness and if leaving your pissy, ranting, and negative blog off of my daily reading list will lift my own mood I'm great with that. Let me recommend that you do the same thing. I've told you on a lot of occasions that no one is pissing in your breakfast cereal but you. I'm removing the urine from mine as of today. I hope that you can do the same. Unless of course my suspicions are correct, and you're much more content with your life wallowing in self-pity and loathing your situation that you refuse to improve on your own. In that case, continue checking in on my blog here. Keep reading about what a POSITIVE outloook on life can do for a general demanor.


That's enough of that though - why waste any more space on my happy blog getting a message across to someone who will never turn her face to the sun peeking out of the clouds.

For all of my OTHER blogreaders. The ones who are reading my blog for a good reason - for the reasons that I am WRITING my blog - I love you all. You are my friends, my family, or maybe strangers - but as long as you're walking the path with a bounce in your step and a smile on your face, you're in my heart.

Reverting from bitch mode in ...
3...
2...
1...

Darbi

OH! And some happy stuff... :-D

First thing - Check THIS out. Funniest shit I've seen in a looooooooooooong time! Hahahahaha!

And next ... Me and Chris - taken on Tuesday. He shaved off all of his lovely scruff and his face is nekkid. He's still purty...

I Can't Figure Me Out

Okay - so I haven't been posting a lot lately. What a bad blogger I am! But at least I'm posting more than the Courteous Tater! I don't know what's up with me. I guess I just haven't been much in the mood for blogging lately. I'm not particularly in a funk...I'm not particularly ANYWHERE these days I don't think.

Sleep has been a major pain lately. I never feel like I'm getting enough of it. Wednesday night was an AWESOME night out at the Cafe - Chris and I were joined by the Merry Widow and we had a great time. So Thursday I was understandably sleepy at work. The work day was a hard one ... even if I had gotten ten hours of sleep the night before, Thursday was one of those days that would have worn me out. My schedule was completely thrown off by unplanned things, everyone wanted EVERYTHING five minutes ago, and it was just a busy day in general. So last night I got home and took myself a nice little nap - all curled up and snuggly in the bed with Chris. Up for a few hours, then back to bed again. Last night in addition to my nap, I got almost eight hours of sleep, and somehow today I'm still sleepy! I don't know what is wrong with me! I'm running low on my thyroid medicine - that has something to do with it I'm sure. Perhaps I just need a little down time. Running back and forth to Faire on the weekends kind of takes it out of me I think. I'm so sad that this is the last weekend, but I suppose I'm welcoming the break.

I figured I would spend a little time today catching you blogreaders up on my "running" episodes. I'll start by telling you my most classic example - the MIP incident in college.
I went to college for one semester up at the University of North Texas. I lived in the dorms. The dorms opened a week before classes and I moved in right away. I was competely determined to get myself "out there" and meet as many people as possible. Running up and down the hallways during my first day in the dorms, I ran into a gal named Aliece - doing exactly the same thing! We were instant friends and she lived just across the hall. We were immediately inseparable. We were getting ourselves involved in many of the "first week" activities - one of which was an outing to a Rangers game with the campus spirit group, which we were considering rushing. Leaving the Rangers game and coming back into Denton, it was still pretty early. We decided to drive around town a bit and just familiarize ourselves with the area. It was each of our first times to drive around through Denton.
Taking one corner, we heard a *CRASH* come from the back of her car. Thinking that she may have left a box or something in the trunk from the big move-in, we decide to pull over and see what damage may have been done. We pulled over into the parking area of a little strip mall, parked, and went around to the trunk. We opened the trunk and found a thermal pizza-bag full of beers. The velcro on the bag had let go and the bottles had gone flying through the trunk. You see, Aliece's brother was a pizza delivery guy - and he had borrowed her car the week before. We decided we better get back to campus and get rid of it (both being underage and all). We close the trunk and begin to step back towards our seats when three cars pull quickly around us in the parking lot. Police exit the vehicles and ask to look in the trunk. We (dumbasses) open the trunk. Both of us were issued MIPs. Shit.
Weeks passed. I didn't tell anyone anything. We didn't discuss it. The matter was never thought of again. I didn't call my parents. I forgot about it. Why? Because I was running. I'd never gotten as much as a SPEEDING TICKET in my entire life. I had no idea how to deal with it. So I didn't. Finally - stress and worry caught up with me and I spent about 2 weeks in bed - skipping classes and ditching friends, dreading the fact that I was going to eventually have to call my folks and tell them what had happened. Eventually I broke down and had a very tearful conversation with my mom on the phone - I explained the whole thing. My parents got me a lawyer, who eventually got the charges dropped. No problem. Everything worked out in the end.

However this DOES show you exactly what happens when I decide to run. I competely forget about whatever it is that ails me, only causing to further the problems. This is what I am dealing with now.

The current demon stalking me - money. Credit card debt. Baaaaad credit card debt. When I left my husband I was so happy with being FREE I kind of forgot all responsibility in life. I had a number of credit accounts that I was responsible for paying that just kind of fell to the wayside. I haven't paid them in months. Back when I was paying little-to-no rent I should have caught up with these little bastards - but I was too busy out having FUN and playing and spending money on lovely little trinkets and hotel rooms :-D ...ooooooops.

My goal in life right now is to stop, turn, and face this demon - catch up on my bills and start rebuilding my credit. I'm attempting to do this without the 2+ week hiatus of bed-wallowing. I think I can pull it off. I KNOW I can.



How's THAT for a catchup blog? Hahaha!

Last weekend for Scarborough Faire! Bittersweet....

Darbi

Thankful

You know, a number of months ago I was here pining away over a guy who I thought was wonderful and amazing and everything I could ever ask for. For a number of months I thought my life would simply not be complete without him. Eventually I had to get over the sting that we would NEVER be together. Then I had to get over the sting of him dating a mutual friend. It was a little tough - only made tolerable by the fact that Chris and I were starting to see a lot of each other around the same time.

I just got out of her office. As wonderful as this guy is and as much as she loves him, he's simply not there for her like he should be. Chris is something of an emotional iceberg at times, but this guy makes him seem like frickin' Cassanova or something!

So today, I am ridiculously thankful for what I have. Chris is an amazing boyfriend. We have a wonderful time. I am always there for him, and he is there for me. We are similar in SO many ways, but where each of us falls short the other picks up the slack. I love my life with him.

That old bastard Mick Jagger had it right ...
"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need "

Off to Faire for the weekend soon! Yay! Have a great one!

Darbi

Why My Friends Crack Me The Fuck Up - Part Deux

A collection:

Blue:
Some background - Just outside my office we had planned on installing a new door. The contractor came out and framed out the doorway but the door never came in. So we have a door frame but no door. It's been like this for a couple of months already.
While talking to me outside of my office the following transpires:
Blue: (looking in the direction of the door frame) "Y'all don't close that door very often..."
Me: (stare....then proceed to laugh my ass off)
Blue: (taking a step closer to the door, then a look of realization) "Oh...there's no door there."
Me: "Duh!"

Chris:
In the bedroom, wrapping a sarong around his cute little nekkid butt so we can go and get something from the kitchen, he accidently drops one side of the sarong. Moving quickly to catch the sarong before it falls past his reach, he throws his hand down to catch it.
Chris: "Owwww! Penis!!"
(he apparently gave his penis a nice smacking in the process of catching the sarong)

Misty:
After lunch, leaving our lovely outdoor picnic table, heading back in to work. She brushes leaves, grass, and dust off of her pretty black skirt.
Misty: "Ugh! Why does black attract EVERYTHING but men???"



Is it no wonder I laugh pretty much constantly?

I love you guys!

Darbi

The Truth About The Stick

Okay ...
I saw the stick while I was sitting at lunch outside at the picnic table with Sister.

I thought it looked really cool and would make a neat wand a la Harry Potter.

So I picked up the stick, plan to take it home and sand it and make it pretty.

So now I will have a wand like Harry Potter.

Because I kick that much ass.

Viola,
Darbi

Why I Crack My Friends The Fuck Up

Agent 99: Is that a stick in your purse?

Me: Yeah? SO????


:-D

Monday, Monday

So...I actually got a lot of things off of my list done. Nothing hugely and absolutely overdone - but something! I did 2 loads of laundry and actually HUNG stuff up - not just piled it in a basket on the floor. I cleaned most of the trash out of my car - so it doesn't look quite so funky now. You can actually SEE most of the floor in our room (mostly thanks to doing and hanging up laundry). And while I haven't gotten around much to WRITING anything about the whole life re-evaluation thing I have done some serious thinking. The thing that is most important to me right now is balance. I've always been something of an extremist I think. I was EXTREMELY one way when I was married and now I am very much the opposite. While I am loving the freedom this new extreme attitude is affording me, I realize that I need to go the other direction. I find that I am digging myself into a big ugly hole. However, I am okay with the fact that I do not need to turn tail and run all the way back to the way I was. I simply need to get about halfway there. I need to find a happy place somewhere between my tightwad, overly-responsible past and my carefree laissez-faire present. One thing that I am starting to realize however is that I need to NOT make rules for myself here. Sitting down, making a list, and structuring my entire re-birth will be too far back. That would be what the old me would do - hands down. So what I need to do is simply concentrate on steering myself in a positive direction. I could drive myself to change with a whip and a list of things to do...or I can just let it happen. Keep a goal in mind and get there without driving myself like crazy. That's the plan for now.

In other news I've actually tapped into quite a lovely well of workplace motivation. I accomplished a LOT over the weekend and it's carrying over into my Monday. I think the perfect metaphor for this is simply the pile of work that is over me. It had gotten to be too much. I couldn't move - I was completely stifled by the number of things hanging over me to do. I removed a very large portion of that pile over the weekend, and now with a smaller pile I am able to move around, free to get more done. Now if I can just keep that pile small and not let it overwhelm me again I'll be in great shape. So...back to work!

Happy Monday, everybody!

Darbi

Status Report

Hmmm...so 10 things in 5 days...

Well first I have to give the excuse that Chris is coming home early - Monday night instead of Wednesday night. 10 things in 3 days sounded much less likely and kind of killed my motivation. But I am getting some things done! Of course it is also 12:30 on Sunday and I have JUST emerged from my bedroom for the morning. I woke up and started reading and didn't stop for a while. I'm going to get showered and dressed, go take care of an errand or two, and work for a bit. But here is where I stand for now:

1. Laundry...lots and lots of laundry
2. Cleaning our room
3. Cleaning out my car
Maybe I'll get to these things when I get home from work tonight....maybe :-D Assuming I don't get all caught up with list item #4 again...

4. Reading
This one I definitely have gotten done. Finished the last 80 pages in Book 3 and am about 70 pages into Book 4 this morning!

5. Get drunk...at least once...in my room by myself. Sometimes it's fun.
Check! Did this last night as I was finishing Book 3. Lovely!

6. Try and keep myself from wandering the trails aimlessly and getting lost during said drunken episode.
Check again! I was much too enthralled in my reading to go wandering trails or bikeriding.

7. Actually get around to the whole "re-evaluation of my life" thing. Especially considering recent epiphanies of said life.
8. Blog a little more about my currently ending marathon - I started it and you guys deserve a little more of the story.
Maybe I'll get to these two tomorrow before Chris gets home...or tonight if I get enough cleaning done...

9. Work...doesn't this suck? I need to work at LEAST 16 hours this weekend.
Woo hoo! Work went MUCH better than I thought it would yesterday so I will not have to work for the rest of the day today. I will probably just go in for 2 or 3 hours. Should leave plenty of time for cleaning, blogging, and contemplating life later today.

10. Crafty artsy-fartsy stuff. Why? I dont' know. I feel like I need to make something pretty.
This one I am definitely putting off until later this week. I think I'll wait until Chris gets home to get his input on some ideas.

So...off to continue on with my day! I'll try and blog a bit later this evening - or maybe if I'm on a break from work.

'Til then,
Darbi

Happy Friday the 13th!

Yes, you. No...not you....YOU. You know who you are.

It was always "our" day wasn't it?

heeheehee :-D

It's a little silly that my favorite holiday of the year is:
1) not really a holiday
2) not easy to track (can come once or several times in a year)
3) has no real purpose other than some spooky connotation that I don't even buy into

Actually - that makes it the PERFECT favorite holiday for me. Because apparently, I'm silly. I hear that a lot anyway.



Despite being one of my favorite days of the year I'm actually kind of in a funk today. I'm forgetting to take my thyroid medicine again - today is day 2 without it. I've always griped that the first thing to go when I forget to take it one day is the ability to remember to take it the next. I'm usually a sleepy little puddle on the floor before I can get myself back into the habit of taking it. But I will try REALLY hard to remember tonight.

Chris is going out of town this weekend without me. I've got to work and he is going to the Faire and spending a couple of extra days there thru next week. Alone time is a good thing. It allows for reflection. And it allows me time to catch up on my reading! :-D I'm just finishing up with book three of the Dark Tower Series (re-reading it so I can be fresh to read the new and final books). I've got quite a lofty goal of being halfway through four by the time he comes back next week. Who knows if I'll actually get there. But we'll see. My laundry list of things to do while he is gone:

1. Laundry...lots and lots of laundry (appropriate for #1 on a laundry list eh?)
2. Cleaning our room
3. Cleaning out my car
4. Reading
5. Get drunk...at least once...in my room by myself. Sometimes it's fun.
6. Try and keep myself from wandering the trails aimlessly and getting lost during said drunken episode.
7. Actually get around to the whole "re-evaluation of my life" thing. Especially considering recent epiphanies of said life.
8. Blog a little more about my currently ending marathon - I started it and you guys deserve a little more of the story.
9. Work...doesn't this suck? I need to work at LEAST 16 hours this weekend. Probably more. This could cut into my drunken time. Damn!
10. Crafty artsy-fartsy stuff. Why? I dont' know. I feel like I need to make something pretty.

10 things. 5 days (probably). Will I make it? We'll see! I promise to get on the computer and blog about my progress.



AND in other news...NONE of my tag-ees have done the little survey thing. I'm feeling unloved... :-( Come on guys!

Back to work for now,
Darbi

No Tagbacks

Okay ... So apparently the latest blogger craze is to "tag" your friends with these fun and silly questionaires. And I was tagged so I'll do my duty. I'm supposed to pick 5 so let's see...

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician I'd want to go on tour with Moby.
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist
If I could be a librarian I might actually have the time and resources to read ALL the books that I've been meaning to read since the beginning of time.
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an inn-keeper I'd give a percentage of my unreserved rooms at 9pm to homeless families in the area.
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider
If I could be a bonnie pirate I'd live life with a great big smile on my face just because pillaging for booty would be in my job description :-D
If I could be an astronaut
If I could be a world famous blogger
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world
If I could be married to any current famous political figure it would be Angelina Jolie. Not only is she an intelligent and caring philanthopist, she's frickin' HOT! Yummmmm.....

Okay...so now my three to tag. Chris, L, and The Closet Masochist. Y'all better not let me down!

Darbi

Deep Thoughts on Life

It's Thursday. That's late enough in the week for deep thoughts on life, right? After all, tomorrow's the start of the weekend so we can all go back to forgetting... :-D

Here's my thoughts for today. I actually dreamed about them last night. Luckily, I remembered them waking up so I've got something worthwhile to blog about today.

Everybody says things like "Live like there's no tomorrow" and "Live each day as if it were your last". We've all heard these sayings for so long they've lost their power, I think. I thought last night about what exactly this means for me in my *own* little life and came to these conclusions.
If today might be my last day on earth, if I go to sleep tonight and never wake up again, what exactly am I doing with my life today that would make today worthy of being my last? Does this mean that I should spend every dime, skydive naked, and shit on my boss's desk? No. Because just as there is a chance that I will not see tomorrow, there's also the chance that I will. So what IS important in my life today to make it worthy of being my last? If the next 24 hours were my lifetime how should I go forward?

Is my job today important enough that I can call it a life's work?
Are the friends that I choose to spend my time with worthy to be lifelong friends?
Is the person that I choose to love today worthy of being the love of a lifetime?
More importantly, am I being a lifelong friend to my friends today?
And am I being the kind of person that is worthy of being the love of a lifetime?

You see...it's not about physically and tangibly living today as if it were my last. It's more about people and feelings. Don't waste your time worrying on things that won't matter later. Trust the people in your life. Only include people in your life that you CAN trust. And be a person in everyone else's life that they can trust, too. Don't waste time with people that don't matter, but give 100% to those that do. Love...love all you can. And express it as much as you can - even if it's not in words. With love, don't worry about what's going to happen in a month, or in six months. If you died in two days would you want to look back and know that you held your heart back from someone you loved because of worrying about a future that will never come?

These are just a few of the things that came to light in my dream last night. They're something of a jumble right now and I need to go back and clean some of this up, but for now it's time to get started with my day. I just wanted to get these thoughts and questions out here before they started to get lost in the fog of the coherant action.

Until later, because I've got to touch on this one again soon...
Darbi

Why My Friends Crack Me The Fuck Up

Nicole, aka Agent99 - 5/10/05 - 4:54pm "See my badge and my gun? I'm one nasty bitch!"

See Darbi Run

See Darbi.
Darbi likes to run.
Darbi likes to run alone.
She likes to run in secret
When no one else knows she is going.

See Darbi.
Darbi runs fast.
Darbi also runs far.
She is a great runner
Who can outrun an awful lot.

See Darbi.
Darbi gets tired eventually.
Darbi can only run so far away.
Eventually she wears out and
The things that she is running from catch up.

See Darbi.
See Darbi sleep.
See Darbi give in but not deal.
When her eyes are closed and no one is there
She doesn’t have to deal with what has caught up.

So she sleeps.
Even though she knows she shouldn’t.
So she tries – finally – to stay awake for once.
But after running so far, so fast, and for so long – it’s hard.


Welcome to my blog for May 9, 2005. Bet you didn’t know you were reading the blog of a marathon runner! Not a runner in the “damn my legs are skinny” sense, but a runner in the deeply symbolic sense. I don’t run often, but when I do you better look the fuck out – because I’m going for a while. The best thing about my running is that you’ll never know I’m gone. Until I stop. Because it does wear me out and I tend to withdraw. Once I stayed in bed for 3 weeks. I’d run only for a couple of months that time. I think I’ve built more stamina now. I’ve been running for months. But I’ve grown tired and I’m through running. Now it’s decision time. Every other time I stop and I take a BIG rest…still not ready to deal, I want to draw inward. I want to go to bed and sleep for even more than 3 weeks. I want to turn off my phone, close my door, turn out the lights and just lay there. Because if I don’t, I have to face what I’ve been running from. Staying awake means facing what catches up...dealing.

I think at the root of it all that’s been why I’ve been neglecting my blog. From the very beginning my blog has meant telling the truth. There’s not much that I hide here. And I’ve been slowing down from my marathon sprint lately and know that it’s time to make a choice. I think the real brakes were hit during my Easy Instruction are Hard To Follow post. What I'd really love to do is sleep…and forget this technological truth serum all together – but what I ought to do is blog and deal. I’m afraid that my position in life right now though simply won’t let me withdraw. Too many people are going to keep me awake. And I’m simply too tired to run anymore. So I guess my choice is made.

For today, confession is the first step. I’ll deal more later. Patience, Grasshopper. I hope to tell more soon.

Breathing a little easier already,
Darbi

Today

Your Birthdate: April 18

Your birthday on the 18th day of the month suggests than you are one who can work well with a group, but still remain someone who needs to maintain individual identity. There is a humanistic or philanthropic approach to business circumstances in which you find yourself. You may have good executive abilities, as you are very much the organizer and administrator. You are broad-minded, tolerant and generous; a compassionate person that can inspire others with imaginative ideas. Some of your feelings may be expressed, but even more of them are apt to be repressed. There is a lot of drama in your personality and in the way you express yourself to others. Oddly enough, you don't expect as much in return as you give.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Got this off of my message board...thought it was pretty interesting. That pretty much suits me to a T. Y'all know me pretty well...what do you think?

It's a funny day, today. Today is my 5 year wedding anniversary and I'm very nearly divorced. He's been served, I've got my lawyer, he's got his. We're not fighing over anything - it's all resolved. I'm still not sad...not sorry in the least that I'm out of the situation. But today has me a little nostalgic...for those very few good times that we had. His Yahoo status message today had me remembering one of those times. It's almost hard...I think...

But enough of that. It's FRIDAY and I've got a wonderful partner for now. And what's better than that - we're off in Molly to Faire for the weekend! Yes, I realize I've been there the last FEW weekends, but it never gets old! I love it!! So...

To Friday, friends, and Faire!

Darbi

Ever have one of those days?

One of those GOOD days, that is! :-D

FINALLY...I've been in such a muck lately - one of those really annoying mucks where the actual cause is nothing you can put your finger on. I've just been down and sleepy and kinda depressed. I don't know if it is because of all of the pressure I've put on myself lately to make a TURN in my life or what...but I've been in a muck.

This morning, however, I woke up and there was no muck. No good reason for its sudden disappearance, but no muck either! I woke up when I wanted to (or at least CLOSER to when I wanted to). I had time to stop to pick up food on the way to work and was STILL here early. I'm feeling pleasant, happy, and motivated.

Of course my first instinct is to put all of this positive energy into my work - which I believe has suffered greatest from my recent muckdom - but I knew I had to at least make time for a short blog. I want everyone to know that I am now safe to approach again! No more shitty attitude! :-D Not that any of you actually snubbed me for my bad mood (thank you very much) but now you can actually look forward to talking to me!

So now, I am going to do the right thing and get to work. But I will blog again soon. I promise.

To friends who are always there - even on the not-so-happiest of days,
Darbi