Monday, April 25, 2005

Stop. Step back. Think. Decide. Start again.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Instructions in life are often so simple, yet so easy to ignore. WHY do I have to repeat? Ahhh...fuck it! Once should be enough right?
Somewhere down the line of history "Repeat" was put there for a reason. Maybe it was just so you'd use more shampoo, go through it faster, and have to buy even more shampoo. Maybe there was a real reason for it. Who really knows? But what I want to think about and blog about today is not hair care - it's life, and why the simple directions given to me are the hardest to follow.

There's a very strange sensation going through my life these days. I'm having an absolute fucking blast. I love my life. I love my friends. I am having more fun than I thought imaginable at this time last year. The only thing I could ask for more of is money - and really - what the hell is that? But at the same time - hiding quietly underneath this spinning ball of joy is a feeling of dizzied confusion. Things are out of place. At the very root of me something is wrong. My old habits - the tiny little idiosyncracies that make up "ME" are missing. I'm missing my schedule. I'm missing a routine. I need a minute to stop and think. I need to MAKE myself stop and think.

So this is my plan that I have GOT to put into action before the end of the week. Maybe I will write more about it here, maybe I will write some at home. But I need to:
1. Stop - just for an hour or so and really
2. Step back - from everything for just a little while- cancel some plans so that I can
3. Think - about what's going on in my life lately - what is missing or going wrong and
4. Decide - what to do about these things. How can I improve my situation and
5. Start again - with a better plan and a clearer vision.

Are you my friend? Am I going to see you at some time this week? Have YOU got some free time? I'm going to try really hard to do this on my own, but please - if you see me, grab me and ask if I've done this yet. Make me stop and talk to you for a while. Talk me through this, please! And if I do happen to get motivated enough to do this on my own, be prepared because I may grab you to talk through this with me for a while too.

I rarely ask for help. But I am asking now. Those of you who know me best know that this is a huge deal for me. So

I love y'all.



At 11:40 AM, Blogger Naked Monkey Boy said...

Many many times I feel like that too...and too often I don't stop and think. I just carry on wondering... and feeling jsut a little off. Good luck with your plans. I'll help where I can.

At 3:44 PM, Blogger Misty said...

So, Sister you and I are finally in the same boat. Hmmm...I am all ears and maybe some unwanted advice(I always dish out). I put mine on paper. Nothing like writing until your hand cramps up. PS...I am taking that damn dr advice. I am going get help. Love ya more than you know. PSS...Birthday presents..

At 8:37 PM, Blogger L said...

i hope i get to meet you someday.

At 3:10 PM, Blogger The Merry Widow said...

Have you done it yet??? Are you on track yet?

At 7:47 PM, Blogger Darbi said...

Nope! I suck. Tonight I am drinking birthday whiskey from Dave and Lauren - about to go take a shower!


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