Tuesday, November 30, 2004


Okay so I'm at work this afternoon and I get one of these random people IM'ing me wanting to chat. This is the worst chat conversation I have ever had. I had a creepy feeling about him from the start so I'll admit that I didn't put much effort into it. But he just kep bombarding me with questions!! It was like the Spanish GodDamn Inquisition!! And I just kept up with the short answers. The ONE TIME I tried to make a joke - it went right over his head. It's so damn funny I'm going to copy and paste the whole damn conversation here. Screen names have been changed to protect the idiotic. My witty Side notes are in RED.

DumbChatGuy: hi, i found your profile on the profile search, hope you dont mind
DumbChatGuy: what are you doing
darbidoll: working
darbidoll: what are you doing?
DumbChatGuy: the same
DumbChatGuy: what do you do?
darbidoll: i'm an HR assistant
DumbChatGuy: exactly what do you do
darbidoll: lots of things - relating to HR
DumbChatGuy: does the job pay well
darbidoll: it's allright
DumbChatGuy: is the job demanding hours
DumbChatGuy: or do you have a lot of time to your self
darbidoll: i work about 45 hours a week
DumbChatGuy: thats not too bad
DumbChatGuy: so what part of houston are you from
darbidoll: i live in the woodlands
DumbChatGuy: i dont get out there that much, a lil too far
DumbChatGuy: is your job located out there too?
darbidoll: actually i work even further north
DumbChatGuy: damn
DumbChatGuy: so your never around the city?
DumbChatGuy: lol
darbidoll: oh yeah - i go there a lot
darbidoll: at least a couple of times a week - maybe more
DumbChatGuy: i bet you waste money like crazy on gas
DumbChatGuy: damn gas prices keep going up
DumbChatGuy: damn economy
darbidoll: nah - i get good mileage
DumbChatGuy: lol
DumbChatGuy: what kind of car do you have?
darbidoll: I drive a MINI Cooper
DumbChatGuy: big time gas saver
darbidoll: yep
DumbChatGuy: how much does it take to fill up your tank
darbidoll: about 23 bucks
DumbChatGuy: for a mini cooper
darbidoll: yeah - it's got a 13 gallon tank - premium gas
DumbChatGuy: how much is a gallon of gas out in the woodlands
DumbChatGuy: whoa
DumbChatGuy: i thought it would be unleaded
darbidoll: nope
DumbChatGuy: and less gallons than that
darbidoll: made by BMW
DumbChatGuy: oh yeah
DumbChatGuy: so what does HP stand for
darbidoll: human resources
DumbChatGuy: oh sorry HR
DumbChatGuy: do you work for a big company or lil
darbidoll: it's medium-sized - maybe 350 employees
DumbChatGuy: do you go to school as well
DumbChatGuy: or just work
darbidoll: I take a couple of online classes
DumbChatGuy: what are you going for?
DumbChatGuy: well what degree?
darbidoll: associates in management with a certificate in HR management
DumbChatGuy: so you pretty well have things planned out
darbidoll: i think so
DumbChatGuy: have you lived in the woodlands all your life?
darbidoll: no - i grew up in the texas panhandle - in a town called borger
DumbChatGuy: so how long have you lived in the woodlands
darbidoll: i've lived north of houston for about 5 years
darbidoll: moved to the woodlands about 3 and a half years ago
DumbChatGuy: do your parents still live here
DumbChatGuy: do you still live with them
darbidoll: no - my parents live about halfway between here and dallas
DumbChatGuy: so you live alone or do you have a roommate
darbidoll: i'm staying with some friends right now - about to get a rental house with another friend in a couple of weeks
DumbChatGuy: thats cool
DumbChatGuy: it sucks having to move though
DumbChatGuy: how long have you been working for that company
darbidoll: almost 5 years
darbidoll: since i lived here
DumbChatGuy: so you were 18 when you started working there?
darbidoll: yep
DumbChatGuy: so you ready to become a Human Resourcer of your own
(Side note- what the FUCK is a Human Resourcer?)
darbidoll: well i'll move up in the company someday - i didn't start out in human resources
darbidoll: i've only been doing this the last couple of years or so
DumbChatGuy: when you started what were you doing?
darbidoll: just general admin stuff- helping out with a lot of departments
(Side note - get ready for my funny moment...)
DumbChatGuy: so in a nut shell, how would you describe your self?
darbidoll: squished
darbidoll: ...unless of course it was a rather large nutshell
DumbChatGuy: lol
DumbChatGuy: ok well a rather large nutshell
darbidoll: lonely...yep - in a big nutshell i'd be lonely
DumbChatGuy: so you would describe your self as lonely
darbidoll: well yeah, if i ws in a nutshell
DumbChatGuy: interesting
(See - he TOTALLY missed it!)
DumbChatGuy: so what type of music do you like
darbidoll: all kinds
DumbChatGuy: what do you have in your cd player right now?
darbidoll: Eternal Sunshine soundtrack
DumbChatGuy: so you listen to alternative music
DumbChatGuy: whats your favorite type of music?
darbidoll: i listen to alternative ..... my favorite kind is probably drum n bass
DumbChatGuy: so what do you do for fun
DumbChatGuy: or on the weekends
darbidoll: i like to go out and see live music and dance
DumbChatGuy: what was the last concert you went to
darbidoll: depends on your definition of concert
DumbChatGuy: ok live performance?
DumbChatGuy: brb
darbidoll: i go see a band called pot roast play every wednesday
DumbChatGuy: have to go to the lil boys room
(Side note - "lil boys room" okay number one don't tell me this until I know you a little better and number two simply calling it that ensures that you will NEVER know me that well)
darbidoll: k
DumbChatGuy: ok im back
DumbChatGuy: sorry i took long
(Side note - what exactly were you DOING in there...should have added the time stamps to this!)
darbidoll: no problem
darbidoll: anyway the last live band i saw was on saturday - saw two - blendt and fusion
DumbChatGuy: where do you usually go see them at
darbidoll: there's a place in houston called *The Cafe* that i go to
DumbChatGuy: have you heard of the 19th hole
darbidoll: yeah - i go there from time to time
DumbChatGuy: i've been there to see a band called "otl"
darbidoll: i don't know if i've ever seen them
DumbChatGuy: so you usually go out on wednesdays
darbidoll: yep

The poor bastard gave up at this point....Thank Goddess!! What a weird dude...

43 questions and all crap...the longest sentence that wasn't a question was about the "lil boys room". Absolutely frightening.

When I'm Ready

I do everything when I'm ready.

When I was a baby I potty trained when I was ready. My mother tried and tried to train me herself and her mother told her that I would when I was ready. And one day I was...and I did! I was ready to walk before I was even a year old and so I just pulled myself up and started toddling around. I didn't want to wait until school started to learn to read or write - so I just stared at books until they started making sense to me and copied my mother's handwriting until I could form my own words. I've always been a person who works off of my own schedule - not someone elses.

I've smoked on and off since I was 14. The first time I quit I was ready - and quit cold turkey without any problems. Of course this also means that when I was ready to start back the next year I did. And a few months after that I was ready to quit again - which I did. I've started and stopped on this odd internal schedule for nearly 10 years. I started again the last time in August. I decided I was tired of it this week and when I smoked my last cigarette from my pack yesterday I didn't go and buy any more. It's been over 24 hours and there's not even a craving.

Sometimes it's not even a conscious thing - sometimes I'd sure as hell like to THINK I am ready but I'm not. I try to convince myself that *now* is the time but something stops me. At this point I have to realize that sometimes things are just not meant to be. And I sit and wait for the time to come.

Well, the time has now come - I've decided I am getting some damn weight off of me. I've given up coffee and put myself on a diet. I'm increasing my physical activity. I'm also going to go and get a body wrap this week. Depending on the results I will keep them up for a while. I'm just ready. I can't explain what it is, but I just get the feeling that things are going to go really well because I know I'm ready. There's something in me that just lights up when it's time. Simply improving my mood I've lost a few pounds - no more stress eating! I need that dang body wrap though before I lose any more. I'm losing weight in weird places and unevenly - I'm hoping the body wrap will even some things up.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Must stop blogging for now - have some serious work that needs to be done... I've got to keep my mind on work although I predict myself to be SOMEWHAT DISTRACTED this afternoon (thanks, Chris). Boy, that guy sure knows how to brighten a gals day....*sigh*... :-D


Monday, November 29, 2004

Resolving To Look On The Bright Side

Sometimes I consider myself to be quite the tortured soul. Sometimes I stop and wallow in my silly hang-ups and just wish for things to turn around. Every once in a while I take a look at my current situation and wish for something more.

And then there's my friend Sister. Sister is a tortured soul. She has something to wallow about. She should wish for something more. Sister loves a man who will not let her in. He's strung her along for two damn years, giving just enough to keep her heart firmly tucked in his back pocket where no one can see. Just when she's about to plant one foot firmly in the door he jerks the door closed again and waves through the window. Sister leaks like a old sink - she's always getting all weepy over something. I don't cry often, but thinking about the way that this jerk treats her will actually get me tearing up.
Sister, I KNOW that you read my blog and I'm telling you right now to just forget him. We took a vote at lunch today, Sister, and he's been voted off the damn island. Lose his number and move on. You deserve so much more.

The man who I hold dearest to my heart right now is an amazing person. Being around him makes me feel like a new person. Every day since I've met him has been better than the last. He makes me feel special. He makes me love me more. I feel worth something. I feel amazingly wonderfully astoundingly great.
And so right here, in front of everybody caught up in this huge world wide web, I want to say thank you. Thank you, Chris, for all that you've given to me - things I can't even begin to describe. Your friendship means so much to me I couldn't even put it to words if I sat here and edited for an hour. No matter what lies at the bottom of the cliff, or if we never jump at all, you will hold such a special place in my heart forever. You were exactly where I needed you, sitting under that tree in the rain, exactly when I needed you to be there. Thank you so, so much.
"Never shall I forget the times I spent with you; continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours." - Ludwig van Beethoven

So today, my blogreaders, I am resolving to stop feeling so bad about my petty man-issues. I truly am SO thankful for what I have - even if its frustrating from time to time. I am going to spend more time being happy about what I do have and not obsessing over what I don't. Because what I have is great, and life is gooooooood.

Is it Wednesday yet?

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Just What I Needed

My current solution for keeping things casual with Chris is to try - at least once a week - to spend a little time obsessing over some other crush in my life. The more time I spend with Chris, the harder this is. The best thing is actual, real, face-to-face time (maybe even quality time) with someone else.
Well today I was a little over-obsessively thinking about Chris - he has a way of working himself into my thoughts during the day. After lunch it was PARTICULARLY difficult keeping my mind on other things....when Randy walked in. Yep. Randy. Newly-shaved-head Randy. But Randy's hair is not really as short as I thought it was going to be. He used a pair of clippers but did not shave it clean, and with as fast as his hair grows he's got a good amount on the top of his head. He still has his lovely and sexy scruffy beard too - so it's definitely surviveable. What can I say...I love dirty boys! His eyes are still beautiful, his smile is still sweet, and he let me rub his head - his hair is soft.....ahhhhhhhhhhh...... :-D
So there's Randy ready to do some work around my office. I sat and watched him work, and we talked. We had some really great conversation. I was sitting there asking myself, "With all this great conversation, why the hell won't he CALL me?" and he asked me for my phone number again. Apparently he misplaced it the first time I gave it to him. EEEEeeeeeeek! There IS hope in this world for me after all! I am officially UN-shot down by Randy. He also explained to me that he lives out in BFE in Montgomery County and it will be long distance to call my cell phone, so if I don't get a call from him right away I'll understand why. He's still here - working around the new office building somewhere. I'm considering biting the bullet and walking out there to see if he wants to do something on Saturday night. Just considering... We'll see....
I'll let you know how it goes!

Feeling on top of the world...


Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Silly obsessions

I am thinking this afternoon about silly obsessions...so I thought I'd post really quick about them.

1. HAIR - Randy - the cute contractor here at work SHAVED HIS HEAD. I cried.... Why did that affect me so much? I've probably shed more tears over cut hair than I care to admit to. Boys, men, guys, whatever you want to call yourselves - please, please, please don't cut your hair!!

2. LOL - Okay - I've carried on a lot of IM conversations throughout the day today and people always use "lol". I just don't use it. I'm a "lol holdout". I will type "hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha" until the frickin' cows come home. I will type it for as long as I happen to be laughing if I really get good and going, but I will NOT use "lol". Why do I resist? Who knows...just one of those things I guess...

(And now I will take a moment to pat myself on the back. My first post in who-knows-how-long that didn't involve Chris or sex! Yay me!!)


In the course of sitting out and writing one of my longest blogs ever about Adam, I got to the end and decided you didn't need to KNOW the whole story. It's really just a collection of small instances and little stories that mean the world to me, but are probably of no interest whatsoever to you, my faithful blogreaders. Let me get to the important stuff...

There are men in this world that I look at and consider too good to be true. (Chris is one of these guys - just too perfect.) Adam, however, is beautifully flawed. He's got an ego that wouldn't fit in Reliant Arena. He's horrible with money. He has short hair for Pete's sake!! But the things that are good about Adam are really, really good. He is truly a person that I could look at and say that if I married him we would fight, curse, and I would hate him like crazy sometimes - but I would love him even more the rest of the time. Beyond everything else I would never have to worry about being loved or respected. Unfortunately I am finding all of this out about Adam and he is in Italy. I guess it works out okay though - I'm not even divorced on paper yet. And I do need a little time to find myself and have some fun before I go looking to settle down again. I've got nearly three years...

Here is the most interesting thing about Adam though. 1) I am very nearly best friends with his mother and 2) he has no idea I feel this way about him. We are friends - good friends - and email back and forth a lot. We did spend a little quality time together before he left for Italy (which was one of the happiest nights of my entire life) but have never gotten into how I feel about him. The time that we spent together was so short, but so special to me. I can only hope that he at least feels a little the same toward me.
I think his mother knows. We talk about him and I think she sees the way my face lights up. We talk about the day he was born and the problems that she had. We talk about how she was all doped up on pain medication and wanted to name him Geronimo Entropy, but the nurse wouldn't let her name him until she's sobered up a bit. We both agree that the damn nurse should have let her - because the name suits him perfectly. If Adam does come home from Italy and we should end up together, I want to have Lauren's first grandson and name him Geronimo Entropy.

I'll end this weird little blog entry with some of my favorite things about Adam (some taken from my Wish List - which were actually put on the wish list because of Adam)
1. Watching him drive my car is the sexiest thing I have ever seen
2. He can drink me under the table
3. We both like grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup (and you MUST dip the sammich in the soup)
4. He knows what good sex is all about
5. Driving him to the airport, both of us exhausted, and we're still singing along to the radio shamelessly - not having to say a word...

Monday, November 22, 2004

*Itchy Itchy*

Do you ever just have one of those days that you feel itchy? Today is one of those days. There's probably a lot contributing to my uneasy feeling because there's just a lot in the air and in my head today so I'm going to try and lay it all out in hopes of aleviating some of the funk...

1. The weather - I'll start here because I know that this is the one thing that can't actually be changed or helped...so I'll just get it out of the way. The air is thick and wet with rain, but there's a lot of lightening. There's just a feeling of static in the air. The hair on the back of my neck is on permanent stick-up.

2. The weekend - Okay - Please take a break to recall my "Too close, too far" post. I ended up over the weekend with one of those too close (and too OLD) people. He asked me out to dinner last week and I decided that since no one ever actually asks me out on a REAL date I would go and just have fun. Well because I am unable to say no to people I ended up in something of a sticky situation with the person - something I never intended to end up in. But it happened, and it's over. I'm a little freaked out, but determined not to let it happen again. Someday I will not be a doormat - hopefully soon. I know it's over and done and I should just file it back under "L" for Lessons Learned, but it still makes me itch.

3. This Wednesday - For the first time since I started going to the Cafe on Wednesdays I will be skipping a week. Thanksgiving has thrown a kink in everyone's plans and so the Wednesday meet-up has kind of fizzled out. I will instead be driving up to my parents house to spend Wednesday (my mom's birthday) night. We will all then take off for Dallas Thursday morning for Thanksgiving with my aunt, step-uncle, and oodles of cousins in the area. I love my parents and I love my Dallas family - but I will readily admit I am a little sad that I will be missing Wednesday night. It's the highlight of my week. Of course, this also means that I will not see Chris on Wednesday which makes me saddest of all.

4. Trouble in Italy - I have a very good friend named Adam who is in Italy right now with the Navy. It's getting close to the holidays, he's missing home and family, and he's had a really hard week. He totaled a rental car in a wreck, got a concussion, and narrowly missed tossing the car over a guardrail. He is okay but very shaken up. As he said, he got out of the car once he'd cleared his head and looked over the guardrail that he had slammed into and there "wasn't much there but gravity." I'm so glad that he is okay and am working on a Christmas care package with his mom to send over. Anyone know the rules for sending single-malt Scotch to Italy by mail??

5. My house - I want into my new rental house so bad right now I can TASTE IT!! I am currently "test driving" it - dog/cat/house/kid-sitting for my friend Deb while she is out of town for a wedding. I can't even sleep at night - I sit up and arrange furniture in my head. I just want my own space, my own place, and a place where I don't have to answer to anyone. Most of all though, I will admit, that I'm looking to be able to spend a little "quality time" without having to get a hotel or find some other alternate arrangements. Less than a month to go...I think I can make it!

I think that's all the itchyness for now. I'm already starting to feel better...

Stay tuned - I will post some more on Adam soon. He is someone who is very important to me but for some reason has been left out of my blog altogether. I will catch you up on that story later...

Rainy days and Mondays...hmm....what about rainy Mondays...?

Friday, November 19, 2004


Okay - so I'm too lazy to set up a photo place on the internet to post pictures here...maybe someday. Until then - Friendster me, damn it!! My email address is darbi@vinylpimp.net and I've got some really great cafe pictures up.

In addition I am lazy because this is all I am going to post for today. I promise soon I will get back into blogging much much more.


Wednesday, November 10, 2004

How Soon is Too Soon?

So I've been thinking lately...maybe it's time to start a relationship.

How soon after leaving an asshole husband is it okay to consider this? I mean, sure, if I'd loved him completely up to the day that I left I would say I need to give it some time. But I'd say for the last year of our marraige I was already on the way out emotionally and started preparing myself for the inevitable. I will admit that I have cried TWICE since I left him - and that was over the dogs. I don't miss him at all - not even a little bit. I've met this great guy, Chris, and I'm trying to hard to NOT get into a serious relationship with him. These days I am considering the possibility that this is mostly because HE is not looking for a serious relationship. I keep it casual to keep from getting hurt. All it would take though is one "okay" from him for me to really want to give it a shot. I don't want to fall in love yet, but it would be nice to have someone to call my own...and someone to call me theirs. So I'm considering the possibility of finding a relationship. Of course, I'm also probably putting the cart WAY before the horse here - seeing as how there's no one exactly beating a path to my door to start one with me. I guess what I am saying here is that I am opening myself up to the possibility. So there you go.

It IS Wednesday and I AM going to the Cafe tonight with Chris. It's really starting to get a little chilly out in the eveings. We'll have to snuggle to keep warm....

Thursday, November 04, 2004

A post only partially about Chris

Okay - so it is Thursday morning - time to blog. I went to the cafe last night and had a great time again with Chris. This is something you should know by now - so I won't get all sappy over it.

The REAL news of the morning. I was sitting here just straining myself trying to think of something else BESIDES last night to post and low-and-behold something lovely falls into my lap!! You may remember a while back a post about a guy named Randy - a contractor here at the office. I gave him my number but he never called. Then he stopped showing up here to work so I thought he was just avoiding me - so I let it go. BUT I got here this morning and he was back. Seems he'd been put out on some other jobs and also took a short vacation to Chicago. He smiled when he saw me and we exchanged "good morning" pleasantries. I thought - fine, but I'm still mad for him not calling. But THEN, ladies and gentlemen, THEN I had to take a trip to the ladies' room. When I came back Randy was walking away from my office. He saw me, smiled a 100-watt grin, and said, "Oh THERE you are! I was looking for you!" HE was looking for ME!! Eeeeeek....! (Okay - that's my girly moment for the morning). So we stood outside my office and talked for a really long time. Come to find out, he knows about the Cafe and almost went there last night with some friends - I would have lost it if he'd walked in the door! So anyway - we've got a lot in common when it comes to music likes so I'm hoping that will grow into some more conversations and maybe even a night out at the Cafe. Hey, Chris said he wanted to keep it casual, right?? No problem with me bringing another date some Wednesday....

It's Thursday morning, and life is GOOOOOOOOOD!

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Do you feel that?

That horrible 20 lb. boulder in the pit of your stomach? I do. The thought of four more years of a rising cost-of-living, four more years of war, four more years of struggle. I can't stand it. I want to cry. I want to move to Canada. I want to crawl under a big warm blanket and hide out for four years. What is America thinking? Do they REALLY think this is what is best for us?


(and because you knew it was coming...)
Thank Goddess it's Wednesday and a little quality Chris time will improve my outlook today. Because I am sad...

Monday, November 01, 2004


What a crazy and insane couple of weeks! My internet work time has gone down to almost nothing with the move into the new office building and all of the stuff that has been going on. But I wanted to at least hop on here to write a little today to clear my head a little bit. I'm living my life these days from Wednesday to Wednesday. Meeting Chris at the Cafe is absolutely the highlight of my week. I stop throughout the day and think about going and spending time with Chris and other friends - but mostly about Chris. We will sit, talk, and have dinner and then we will kiss, cuddle, and dance. Definitely the highlight of my week....

Let me tell you something about how damn pretty this boy is. I tend to become enamored with someone in an instant and see them as beautifully as they appear to be on the inside. Because of this I've got a bad habit of projecting inner beauty to the outer person. I tell my friends that I've met this great, good-looking person but when they see a picture or meet this guy they never seem as cute as I think that they are. This is one of the things that happened a while back with my "friend". He was great in the beginning and I really liked him, but as time went on and I realized how little potential there was for any kind of a future between us and he got less and less handsome. Chris, however, is a different story. I showed his picture off last week to my friends and they all agree that he is abstoluely gorgous. It's hard to believe I ended up with a boy this pretty, but he is a very pretty pretty boy....I guess all I can do is enjoy it while it's here.

This leads me right into my next big stressor of the day. When I met Chris he said, "Love me, but don't fall in love with me." I was great with this because I felt the same way. But the more I see him, the more I spend time with him, and the more I think about him the harder it gets. He's really great. I am trying so hard to keep it casual but my heart is not cooperating!! For now, mind is prevailing but I don't know how long I can keep it up. I know that I will get hurt - I'm considering it inevitable at the moment - so I'm just going to enjoy it while I can and put it off as long as I can. Will keep you posted!!

A blessed Samhain everybody! Happy New Year!

FREE hit counter and Internet traffic statistics from freestats.com