Thursday, June 30, 2005

Lifestyles of the Perfect and Fabulous

Good evening, I’m Robin Screach for Lifestyles of the Perfect and Fabulous. Today we’ll be taking an extensive peep into the life of the ultimate queen of Perfect and Fabulous herself, Darbi. That’s right; we are here tonight with the Head Mistress of Happiness, to find out exactly what it takes to make life so perfect and fabulous.

Robin: Good evening, Darbi! Thank you so much for inviting me into your perfect and fabulous world today to have a little chat.

Darbi: No problem, Robin! You see, a big part of being so perfect and fabulous is remembering the little people that helped me along the way. So I figured I could take a few minutes out of my perfect and fabulous schedule to help you all become nearly as perfect and fabulous as me.

Robin: So, tell me. When did you first realize that you were destined to be Perfect and Fabulous?

Darbi: You know, I think that I knew right away. Even as a baby I insisted that people treat me as royalty. I had to have silk diapers and ate caviar instead of baby food.

Robin: Wow! So you’ve had a lot of time to perfect the art. What advice would you give to us lowly mortals who are just trying to reach the bottom of the Perfect and Fabulous Mountain that you have managed to scale?

Darbi: Well that’s easy, Robin. It takes no skill whatsoever. You simply have to be BORN THAT WAY! (condescending, quiet laugh)

Robin: (Clears throat) Well, I guess that sums it up for us, then, friends. That’s all the time we have for today. Thank you so much, Darbi, for being so Perfect and Fabulous and allowing us some time to talk here today.

Darbi: You’re SO welcome!

*Insert cheesy credit music*

Okay, okay, okay…so I had a little fun with this evening’s blog. Here’s the real scoop. I went to ridiculous extremes to show how ridiculous it is to think that anyone in this world is perfect, or that I myself am fabulous. I don’t have any self-esteem issues and do consider myself to be a pretty nice gal and a lot of fun to hang around with. I do not, however, believe that I am better than anyone else in this world or look down on anyone.

But here’s the long and short of it. If the life that I live is considered *perfect and fabulous* to anyone let me tell you how I do it.

I keep a positive attitude.
I am a good friend to others, which in turn brings good friends for me.
I am always honest.
I try and do good deeds and help people (known or not) whenever I can.
I smile at strangers.
I sing – with people, without people, and in public (this is especially great at the grocery store shopping alone *grin*)
I dance – also whenever the mood strikes me. It’s best done with your eyes closed!
I spend time in the sunshine.
I take the time to talk to people. I hear stories…I tell stories. It’s life.
I take chances. What’s the worst that can happen?
I love. Everybody. Even if it’s just a little bit. A little love in someone’s life can make all of the difference, and it comes back to you too.

My grandfather was a rough, vulgar, and mean son-of-a-bitch. He was an alcoholic by the age of 10, was a bastard to my grandmother, cursed, and got arrested – a lot. In his last years he began to soften. He always told me, “You just stay as sweet as you are and everybody will always love you.” I thought these were great words of advice and I’ve always tried to live by them. Unfortunately he wasn’t 100% right…there are some people in this world who refuse to be nice, no matter how nice I try to be. But of course, I tried. I spent the time and that’s all it cost me. At least I can say that I made the effort.

Life has been good to me, and I am very happy with where I am. However life is NOT perfect. I have my share of flaws and I have my share of troubles. What I believe with my whole heart, however, is that I have put a lot of positive out into this world. And I think that when you do that, the positive starts to shine right back.

And that’s all – what a looooong post! I leave you…

…not quite perfect, but feeling fabulous,


Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Drama, Drama, Drama

Ask and ye shall receive.

I don't buy into a lot of that Christian hullabaloo...but this one is definitely something that sticks in my book.

I need something to keep me busy. I need something to keep my mind off Chris being so far away for two weeks.

Well here ya go, buddies!!

Sisters, sisters, sisters. Thank goddess my life is not nearly as dramatic as theirs is.

One sister is in the middle of a HELLUVA muck ... unfortunately I can't post any details here. I'm under gag order. But those of you who cruise the sisters' blogs might be able to glean something here or there if you can put two and two together. Suffice it to say that it has supplied me with AMPLE reason to spend my mental energies worrying over her future, a man's future, and their kids, jobs, and pretty much everything else surrounding their lives. My most selfish concern - between the muck and a family death I don't know WHAT my plans for the Fourth will be. It's totally up in the air now. Maybe it will just be me, Sister, and Dude hangin' at my casa...

And then Sister...she voted him off the island, but he's not quite out of her heart. She's got OTHER interests, but I think we've decided she's not going nearly as far there as this guy wants her to go. It's a good thing, though, I promise about that one. She's packing up her stuff and her Dude, I think, and coming to spend the weekend with me. If we can make it up to the *official* party (if the party is still ON) we will do that on Saturday. If not it will be us at the house. I hope that this will give her some time away to think about what is going on in her life and make some good, sound decisions.

Then of course, there's me! :-D Luckily, the other interest in Sister's life may soon be an interest of my own. I think this will serve a couple of purposes. First it will possibly take his focus off of Sister a bit to help her get away and do some thinking. Next, it's helping me, of course by keeping me busy while Chris is away *wink*... Sister is cool with it, so I figure why not? It's all in fun, right?

So...that's a quick 5-minute rundown in the world of me and the Sisters. Holy shit, there's a lot going on. MUST throw cards, MUST sit and talk, MUST do some thinkin'. It will all turn out in the end ... because life can be good. Eventually shit stops flying your way and things turn to the positive. I just have to keep a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

Turning my face into the sunshine (hopin' I don't get burned, heh heh),

Monday, June 27, 2005

Alone...and How Do I Feel About That?

I have things to say but it's late and I'm too tired to do it right. So here's the ramble.

  • I took Chris to the airport this morning. He'll be gone for two weeks. I drove away and it was weird. I used to drive my husband to the airport and drop him off. There was such a feeling of FREEDOM when he was gone. I didn't get that feeling today. I haven't nailed down just WHAT that feeling was. I think I was horny...
  • I almost miss Chris.
  • I would probably miss Chris more if I wasn't waiting for some *company* to come over.
  • I kind of wish my company wouldn't come over because I'm sleepy.
  • I hope that I'm *actually* sleepy and not just missing Chris too much.
  • I'll have to actually think about which of those things is true.
  • I had a friend take me out for lunch today and he was so cool. I think I'll call him later this week...damn this is going to be a busy week...
  • Sister and Dude came over earlier. We had tea, we threw cards, we rode bikes. It fucking rocked.
  • My tarot cards make me mad. Another stellar reading for Sister while they continue to piss on my needs. Anyone else throw cards that can do a reading for me?
  • He's supposed to be here in a half hour. How long do I give him before I go to bed? Or will I just go to bed and tell him I fell asleep and missed the doorbell?
  • I got enrolled in classes for the Fall semester today FINALLY! Sometimes colleges do stupid things like cancel classes that are required for your degree and then never replace them with anything. Then it takes them a year to get around to telling you which classes to take. These are the people responsible for MY education. I'm scared.
  • I want Sister to move in with me...NOT just for her but for me too. I think I need her right now and I can't put a finger on why. I just need her close. Maybe it's just because I worry about her so much when she's at her house ... or maybe it's something else. Maybe it's just because I'm sleeping for the very first time since I moved in ALONE in this big house. WHERE the hell are a set of cards that will work for me when I need them?
  • I did just start thinking about how alone I am in here. Either I need to fall asleep soon or he needs to show up soon. This is weird.
  • I'm going to have to put another blanket on the bed tonight ... it gets cold in bed alone.
  • Maybe I do miss Chris.
  • Fuck
  • Probably just because I have nothing to do at the moment. Need to get busy again...
  • Going to sleep now ... not waiting up ... sorry, B!



p.s. Faire and Garlic

Thursday, June 23, 2005

ONE day...

Yamaha YZF R1
You scored 6 moxie, 6 zeal, and 1 pomp!
You're addicted to speed, but have the knowledge and experience to match. Although you like to win, you don't really care so much about competing with others as much as competing with yourself.

Your bike is the Yamaha YZF R1. Given how easily the rear wheel on this beast spins up coming out of turns, it is fortunate that you constantly work to improve your skills. (I've seen more R1s crash at track days than any other bike.)

It was a close decision with the Suzuki GSXR1000, but your personality seemed a bit more R1-ish. (But hey, I could be wrong. Its only a silly test.)

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Such a high price to pay to blog a little update here on a Wednesday night...

Blood ... the mosquitos in my house are eating me alive. I've got so many mosquito bites on my body I look like some sort of a leper. Very possibly, I will die of West Nile before the month's end. I'm almost certainly anemic. Someone please call for a transfusion. For some reason the mosquitos are worst in this little corner of the living room where my laptop lives. Note to self: get fucking wifi working...

Sweat ... I just got home from work a little bit ago. For some stupid-ass reason I am still wearing my bra and my work clothes. It's fucking hot in here and I am sweating like a piglet. Not a full-sized pig, mind you...but a sizeable piglet...

Tears ... The fucking cat has decided that *the* place for pooping if you're a hot, hip, and "with it" kitty is in the fireplace. So my living room is not only mosquito-ey and hot - but it smells like poop. Lots and lots of cat poop. YUCK! It makes my eyes water.

And so these are the things that I've given up for you, my faithful blogreaders, so that I could write this bitchy post. :-D

But on the other hand ... I was out until 1am last night riding my bike with Chris - we had a blast and stopped to play in the sprinklers at the park. He's out mowing the lawn right now. I'm about to go and clean our room a bit. And we're going to see his mom this weekend...I can't wait to meet her! So...blood, sweat, and tears...but life is still GOOOOOD!

Woo woo!!


Wednesday, June 15, 2005

An Evening With The Merry Widow


In all of our brokedom Chris and I have been doing an awful lot of front yard sittin'. Like a couple of old fogeys, we drag chairs out into the front yard, sip on some yummmy hot tea, and watch the neighborhood go by...not something that I'd consider to be all that exciting to anyone not as uber-goofy as us. But maybe I'm wrong...just maybe we are trendsetters!

Yesterday, I sent an email to the Merry Widow and told her of our EXCITING evening plans and she jumped at the chance (color me surprised). I then read her blog about wanting to exercise more so we revised our plan to include a thrilling neighborhood bike ride prior to the front porch sittin'. MW made her way over, and we put our thrilling, super-cool, and uber-trendy plan into action. It went off without a hitch - bike ride to the grocery store, first sprinkles hit us on the way home, the downpour came just as we pulled into the garage, then watched the rain/thunder/lightening show from the garage with our tea. We escorted her home on our bikes and hung out at her place for a bit. Chris had Tang and I showed her how to play the traditional Mexican bass line on her bass guitar. Chris got cut by her ghetto cat (but he deserved it) and we rode home.

We had a farking blast.

So..the next time you're sitting around wondering what to do with your evening - try a bike ride and some hardcore front yard sittin'. It's the next big thing. Trust me... :-D

'Til next time!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

For Heather

Chris has some great pictures up on his blog.

I didn't know Heather for that long, but loved her a lot. I remember dancing with her at the Cafe. I remember how she hugged me and always said, "Squish!" I remember her kindness and I remember her strength. I remember...

Shortly after learning of her death I found a poem that I wrote back in 1998. It seems to be a fitting tribute so I will leave it here.

To all of those who've said goodbye
To all of those who've gone away
To all of those I've never had
A chance to say goodbye
I say
I love you all, I hold you all
Close by my heart and everyday
I think of you and all the times
We took the time to laugh and play

Goodbye to times of joy in life
Goodbye to times of yesterday
Goodbye to times of childhood games
Goodbye to times
I have to say
I love you all, I hold you all
Close by my heart and everyday
I think of you and all the times
I took the time to laugh and play

Those times are gone, they've gone away
The time of now is hard to take
I lay in bed but stay awake
And this is all that I can say
I love you all, I hold you all
Close by my heart and everyday
I think of you and all the times
I had the time to laugh and play

All You Need Is Love...

I don't think I've ever needed to blog something more than I need to blog right now, but I also have never had such a hard time getting an entry started...


In my mind, my relationship with Chris has been like a month-to-month lease on an apartment. While there's always the possibility that it's going to be someplace I choose to live for a long time, the reality of the situation is that I will probably pick up and move someplace else soon.

We were talking last night - as we often do, laying in the bed staring at each other - and I was speaking purely hypothetically about what might happen in a situation if we were together far, far down the road. He says, "I like the way that sounds."


"I like the way that sounds."


Basically, through about fifteen minutes of me asking for clarification on something that he KNEW I was hearing correctly but not really believing - I got it. He's thinking more in terms of a long-term lease arrangement. I'm floored but not totally caught by surprise. He has mentioned things here and there over the last couple of weeks that implied a longer commitment than we had originally planned on. Nothing HUGE...just little comments here or there. This was the first, real, in-my-face admission that he can see "us" going somewhere farther down the road.

So here is what you all are expecting. Me - jumping around, flailing my arms, crying silly tears of joy, and professing my undying love and affection. Here is what happened - I sat on the bed, even more confused, not knowing what to think.

After a couple of really idiotic tries at getting what was in my brain to come out of my mouth (these tries sounded really hideous and I will not share them here), this is what I came up with.

The reason that I would choose to be in a relationship with anyone - and indeed probably what I love the most about relationships and the reason why I find it very hard NOT to be in one - is growth. I like the feeling of growing with another person. I grow as a person, he grows as a person, and we grow with each other. It's a beautiful, wonderful, and satisfying feeling. Chris and I have grown a lot in the four months that we have been an "official" couple, and even a lot in the few months before we made it official. I love him. He loves me. We are NOT *in love* ... but that's no good reason not to love someone. :-D Pearl S. Buck points out, "Love dies only when growth stops." In addition to this, I believe that love can only exist when there is room to grow. This has been a very important factor to the relationship between Chris and I. Since a short-term commitment leaves little room to grow, I don't have to worry about *falling in love* with someone who I don't ever expect to be with on a long-term basis. I know what to expect, I deal with that, and I go on. But now...with this new situation...with one little sentence "I like the way that sounds"'s different. There's suddenly an AWFUL LOT more room out there in front of us than before. There's a possibility for many more months or years together than before.

So where does that leave love...with all of that room to grow?

Chris is an amazingly great person, inside and out, and I have no problem believing that with room to grow my feelings for him will blossom.

My biggest problem was this - does he have the capacity to grow too? Is he tapped out at the level of love that he feels for me now? If I commit myself to him for more than a month-to-month lease is it only my heart that will be doing all of the growing? Joni Mitchell asked, "Are you gonna let me go there by myself? That's such a lonely thing to do..." I don't want to go there by myself. I am not expecting a promise of more love or an expectation of falling in love... I just need to know that there is room for it to grow IF it will grow.

He says, "I think so."

And that's okay with me.

Because I think if I were ABLE to give a short explanation of anything running through my mind, I would "think so" too...

So here we are ... four months in ... taking another step together.

I love him.


Wednesday, June 08, 2005


As interested as I am in pop culture and the lives of celebrities, I don't post about it very often. This morning, though, after my daily peruse of MSN's measly Entertainment pages, I'm drawn to write.

What the hell is UP with celebrity fashion these days? What is this - The Great Breastbone Epidemic of Aught Five? Glance through, if you dare, the photos here. Does any-fucking-body in Hollywood weigh more than 100 pounds? This is crazy. Women with no body fat and no breast tissue left have given up on the push-up bra to show clevage and have just decided that a sexy set of ribs will bring the men a-runnin'! Most of the ones NOT sporting a boney front miss the chance only because they've got two loads of silicone out front replacing the natural ones that were Adkins'ed away!

I'm not saying I'm the ideal here. I'm not saying that everyone should eat greasy cheeseburgers until they reach a size 12. I'm just saying that I shouldn't be able to study for an Anatomy test because there's nothing but a thin layer of skin between me and your bones! Forget fucking Somalia - send a little food relief to the rich and famous. Crazy...

On a positive note - because there always is one... MAJOR props for: Mandy Moore - for looking like a groovy, sexy gal who's had a meal in the last week, Ralph Lauren for wearing jeans and showing us that life is NEVER that serious, some geeky guy who got to show up with Miss Universe (thank you, Corporate Sponsorship, eh buddy?), and finally David Bowie - for managing to still look THAT fucking hot when you're THAT fucking old.

Time for me to get some more work done! Have a LOVELY day, everybody!

Monday, June 06, 2005

The Things They Never Told You... those steamy romance novels.
You know the ones - some beefy Fabio guy looming creepily over some fainting Southern Belle about to use his tongue to explore the nether-regions of her digestive system...

In those books, love and romance are all about serious and deep passion. There's drama and intense emotion. It's heavy, man...

In the real least in my world, love and romance are so much different - so much better I think.
In my world, a silly wrestling match turns into a SERIOUS wrestling match...and somehow that turns into some of the best sex I've had in a loooooong time...
In my world, my silly boyfriend spends his days sewing, ripping seams, and re-sewing (correctly) a fun striped vest. He finishes it this evening and starts playing dress-up. That's right...dress-up. Just like when we were kids. He gets an entire "outfit" together and prances around the living room with a silly grin on his face. I'm more turned on than I've been by him in weeks...and that's saying a lot.
In my world, the best things he does for me is listen and understand when I bitch about everything else in my life...but he doesn't give me one reason to bitch to anyone else about him.
In my world, sometimes I pick up his dishes and sometimes he picks up mine. We just do little shit like this for each other.
In my world, life is gooood. In my world, anytime it's us, I'm happy. When the whole world around us turns to shit, we turn to each other - and that's enough. Broke or otherwise, at home or out, we are having fun...together.

Enough for now...I'm going to start shutting down, try and peel my silly boyfriend out of his fun, stripey outfit, and try and coax him into a hot shower! Woo!

Friday, June 03, 2005


Today is my best friend Robyn's birthday. We're both 24 we're OLD! hahahaha Woohoo!!! I only hope that her boyfriend Matt is taking her out and showing her as good of a time as I would if I were there.

Here are some reasons why I love Robyn:

1. I suck at birthdays. I can't remember them for shit. But I've always been GREAT with phone numbers. I love Robyn because her phone number when we were teenagers IS her birthday. So as long as I can remember that her phone number ended in 6381, I'll know her birthday - 6/3/81.

2. Robyn is as "terrible" as a friend as I am. We suck at calling. We suck at checking in. We go for months without talking to one another. But I love her madly and she loves me. It doesn't matter how long it's been I know if I ever needed her I could call and catch right back up.

3. Robyn is a cheap date. When Duke lost the championship my senior year I didn't have to spend lots of money to go out and get her drunk. All I had to do was drive her down the "WHEE Hill" a few times. And this was back when gas was WELL under two bucks a gallon - so the cost was pretty minimal. :-D heeheehee

4. I can't think of anyone else in the entire world that I would rather laugh with, cry with, or the situation may call for.

5. She supports me always - no matter how stupid my decision.

6. She recognizes the importance of the random 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

7. I set her up with her first free Yahoo email account and while she uses a hotmail account now, she still uses the same name that I picked for her.

8. From miles and miles away we seem to be maturing at the same rate. This is important in a friendship, I think. So many times friends separate and grow apart in maturity. I see us growing into our unique personalities - but at the root we are still the same.

9. She's an alto and I'm a soprano (mostly...not so much after years of smoking) and so we can pay homage to Mr. Donut in harmony!

10. She's managed to stay humble, even after years of accumulating ex-boyfriends who still call to profess their undying love...especially after about 12 beers! (I still swear she's got beer-flavored nipples...)

That's 10...the list could go on forever.

Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Birthday, dear! I miss you like crazy and hope that Chris and I can make it up to see you soon. can come down to the big city!

Love, love, and more love!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Holy Shit

Can this day just end already?!?!?!?! It's 10 minutes until I can get out of here and I'm just so ready to be away. The day wasn't particularly hard or grueling...I'm just done. Some days are like that. Some days the motivation simply doens't follow me into the office.

I think I'm just stir-crazy. I sit in the office all day. I've sat at the house the last two nights. We've gotten stuff done - we've actually CLEANED our bedrooms (holy shit), and other lovely, lovely things - but at home nonetheless...

But tonight...TONIGHT there is a free jazz concert at Market Street and a gathering of buddies at Sams Boat. We have ZERO money for Sams boat...but maybe we'll show up and pray for mercy from a friend or two. :-D I can't WAIT until the 15th...I'll actually be able to turn my cell phone back on and pay some bills! Woohoo! Who would have ever thought I'd be THIS happy to pay frickin' bills....'s 5 and I'm gettin' the hell outta here.

Have a great one - show up at Market Street if you're out - or meet me at Sams and buy me a drink!


Wednesday, June 01, 2005

I Confess...


So Chris *stumbled* upon this website today - where people go and confess their givings-in to the seven deadly sins - because we all do from time to time... Somehow, this made me decide to blog about them. Why? I have no idea. I'd venture a guess that greater than 90% of you reading this blog know me personally, and could look at me a little differently after these confessions - but I've never really hidden much from all of you so I suppose I shouldn't start now. Let's see if I can get this done.

Pride - I have the greatest hair of just about anyone I know. When I meet a new person and they don't comment on it in the first few minutes, I tend to think less of them.

Envy - I'm jealous of people with money to do whatever they want, even though I know that my own issues are a direct result of my own lack of responsibility. I wish for a lucky break, or for them to become broke with me.

Sloth - If left to my own devices, chances are I would spend at least one day per weekend in bed all day, doing absolutlely nothing. And then I would hate myself for it.

Gluttony - See my post on the Elena Plate (I'm too slothful to go and look it up for you). Also, see me drinking whiskey on just about any occasion...

Greed - as hippy as I am, I would not at all balk at having a huge house with lots of stuff - all the bells and long as I had a maid to clean it.

Lust - Holy shit, don't get me started. Just trust me on this one...maybe this will be the subject of a WHOLE post in the future...

Anger - I try really hard not to get angry a lot. I know that the only person who really makes me angry is me. I control my emotions. But I do get VERY fucking angry somtimes. When I was young I had a horrible temper - I used to throw tantrums in elementary school that put Ms. Piggy to shame. One day I decided I didn't want to do that anymore - so I stopped. It was that easy. However from time to time I still feel that old pressure in my chest, and give into it. I can curse you in ways that your old crotchety grandpa who survived the frickin' war would never even dream of.

There are probably a lot more that I could list in a lot of these areas, but this will suffice for now I think. What about you? Anyone else want to give this a shot?

Taking the moral high road...reluctantly...


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