Tuesday, November 30, 2004

When I'm Ready

I do everything when I'm ready.

When I was a baby I potty trained when I was ready. My mother tried and tried to train me herself and her mother told her that I would when I was ready. And one day I was...and I did! I was ready to walk before I was even a year old and so I just pulled myself up and started toddling around. I didn't want to wait until school started to learn to read or write - so I just stared at books until they started making sense to me and copied my mother's handwriting until I could form my own words. I've always been a person who works off of my own schedule - not someone elses.

I've smoked on and off since I was 14. The first time I quit I was ready - and quit cold turkey without any problems. Of course this also means that when I was ready to start back the next year I did. And a few months after that I was ready to quit again - which I did. I've started and stopped on this odd internal schedule for nearly 10 years. I started again the last time in August. I decided I was tired of it this week and when I smoked my last cigarette from my pack yesterday I didn't go and buy any more. It's been over 24 hours and there's not even a craving.

Sometimes it's not even a conscious thing - sometimes I'd sure as hell like to THINK I am ready but I'm not. I try to convince myself that *now* is the time but something stops me. At this point I have to realize that sometimes things are just not meant to be. And I sit and wait for the time to come.

Well, the time has now come - I've decided I am getting some damn weight off of me. I've given up coffee and put myself on a diet. I'm increasing my physical activity. I'm also going to go and get a body wrap this week. Depending on the results I will keep them up for a while. I'm just ready. I can't explain what it is, but I just get the feeling that things are going to go really well because I know I'm ready. There's something in me that just lights up when it's time. Simply improving my mood I've lost a few pounds - no more stress eating! I need that dang body wrap though before I lose any more. I'm losing weight in weird places and unevenly - I'm hoping the body wrap will even some things up.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Must stop blogging for now - have some serious work that needs to be done... I've got to keep my mind on work although I predict myself to be SOMEWHAT DISTRACTED this afternoon (thanks, Chris). Boy, that guy sure knows how to brighten a gals day....*sigh*... :-D



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