Monday, February 07, 2005

Can't Shake It

I'm starting to belive that I am becoming some sort of a compulsive person. I'm not sure exactly WHAT kind of compulsive person, but there are simply too many things these days that I am unable to shake. Mentally, physically, emotionally - I'm a basketcase because one thing will come into my head and I will obsess over it nearly constantly. The biggest problem comes when something ELSE comes into my head and the same thing happens - without my being able to drop the first (or second, or third, for that matter).

So my list of things I can't shake:

1. This weird flu thing - Now I know this is not exactly my fault (expect for the fact that maybe my body is just forcing me to get more sleep) but I can't seem to shake it. I'm still coughing and stuffy. I was in bed for a majority of my weekend again. Getting up in the morning is the hardest part. I just want to sleep all day!!

2. Love - This one is really starting to bug me. You know that old song "Love is in the air"? Well it is. And I wish it would stop. But even if it did I don't know if *I* could stop thinking of it. Every movie on TV. Every person I talk to. Every conversation I have centers around relationships and love. Having it, wanting it, losing it, missing it. This little obsession I think has been around the longest, making it pretty much the central part of my day. This is also the obsession most likely to drive me absolutely stark raving mad. I'll either lose my mind and fall in love with a stranger or become a nun. Countdown has started. Look for updates soon.

3. Money - Why don't I have any? How can I get more? What will I do with it when I have it? Can I possibly fit my party lifestyle into a budget? I've always been a tightwad. I can stretch a dollar for days. It's just the way I've always been. But lately it's just been slipping thru my fingers like water. The tighter I try to hold on to it the faster it goes. I'm going to have to figure something out soon because being broke sucks.

4. Spirituality - see my previous recent post about the lack of it - and subsequent need for it - in my life. I really think that a healthy concentration on this area - and some serious time devoted to it - might help me in some of these other insane areas of my life. However, it's like it's just beyond my grasp. Other things keep coming up that take up my time and effort. I have GOT to work this back in or face the concequences.

5. An odd mothering instinct -'s NOT my biological clock. It's not that I want my OWN children - just being around kids in general. It's just that I find myself feeling motherly in a lot of situations lately. My roommates kids have been the only solace in my life recently - especially the 4-year-old. He's my little hyperactive bundle of sanity. I've also been considering getting back into a mentoring program - I've definitely missed that since I've been in Houston. But of course I've got to get my head right in a lot of these other areas first. Even with some of my friends - I find myself wanting to coax, counsel, and guide them more than I should. Just some sort of weird mothering thing I've got going on right now....weird...

I suppose those are the big 5. Which, when you consider how fully I can obsess about things, is a LOT. Some of you know - some of you have been the bearer of some of my mental upchuckings on these situations. Even my decision to blog on these things today is quite scary - just because I have nothing else on my mind. So that's it. Want to talk on any of these topics? I'm your gal. I'll go for hours.

Somebody stop me!


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