Monday, January 17, 2005


I’ve got lots of friends. I care dearly about a number of the people around me everyday and I know that they care about me. In thinking about a few of them today and our relationships I came to realize something about me. I have got a lot of friends, but no friendship is really the same. I have something that I need from each individual and feel like I give something back to them. But in each instance, the gift is not the same. So now I am going to try and outline some of my friendships.

Sister – sister is my worry friend. We’re both completely farked-up goobers. I spend my day worrying about her and riding her ass over all of the things she needs to do to take better care of herself. She does the same for me. Nine times out of ten, we’re just pots calling the kettles black – but it’s always good to have someone remind you. I worry about her. She worries about me. Both of us believe wholeheartedly that the other deserves so much more while not believing that we deserve the same ourselves. One day we will listen to one another, catch on, and become the amazing goddesses each of us wants the other to be. This will probably be the day that pigs fly, too, so check your weather report…

Now to Carmilla – Carmilla, in addition to being my roommate, is my support friend. It’s great having a friend like this under the same roof. She’s there to listen to my endless ranting and I’m there to listen to hers. We support one another unconditionally. We pump up one another’s egos and provide shoulders for crying. She is my main source of strength and confidence most days. I only hope I do half as well for her as she does for me.

Robyn – Robyn is my best friend. She’s my conscience friend. Robyn and I don’t get to talk nearly as much as we should. We catch up every couple of months or so. She lives so far away and I miss her all the time. The thing about Robyn is that she and I have been friends for so long I know what she would say. I know what she would tell me to do. I know what she would think about nearly any situation. So even though she’s not here physically to coax and care me through life’s windy roads I can hear her. Hers is the voice of reason that pops into the back of my head. She’s the one I try to emulate when I need to make a wise decision.

Lauren – Lauren is my wise old friend. She’s my mother’s age. I listen to the things that she tells me and take them to heart. I know that she knows what she’s talking about and she’s everything that I want to be at her age. I value her opinion more than probably anyone elses. She accepts no excuses and will tell me when I’m a jackass. And I love her for it.

And then there’s Chris. Chris is my special friend. And no, not special in any of those high school, over-italicized, exaggerated quotes fingers kind of ways. Okay…well not ONLY in those ways…hahahaha! When this blog idea was first forming I took a moment to really focus and think about each of my friends. My heart warmed and I "felt" my friendship with the person. An adjective came to mind. A purpose came to mind. Well, when it was Chris’s turn and I focused my mind on him an odd thing happened. Words didn’t come to mine – not "support" or "worry" or "conscience". I didn’t feel anything that could be described using the keys on this clicky, old-school Dell keyboard. I could very nearly feel my heart swell. I felt it creeping up my throat. It would have taken my chest over all together it hadn’t had to accommodate for all of the butterflies flapping around in my stomach. I tried to think of what I take from the friendship I have with Chris, what I need from him – like I need things from my other friends. The answer is nothing. The only thing that I really need from Chris is that feeling right there. I realize that I get that feeling when I’m around him, when I talk to him, or think about him. Focusing so fully on it was nearly more than I could take! Chris is a special friend because I just want him around. I don’t have to lay all my problems out on him. I don’t feel like I need to let him lay everything out on me. We can just BE. Just us. We can talk or dance or listen to music and all is right with the world. Maybe he’s my feel-good friend. But, no, he’s a lot more than that.

Happy Monday, everybody. Here's to friendships - all of them.


At 5:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to break the news but that's more than friendship - that's love.

At 10:28 AM, Blogger Darbi said...

Okay...which of you was that??

At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was not me, I was wondering that as well.


At 8:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, so I'm a day late--story of my life. All I've got to say is why do you always know exactly what to say to make me bawl like Duke lost the championship all over again? I love you, girl--so much it hurts sometimes. And I miss you more than words can say!!!!!!1 How do I manage to live each day without you here?

Roby ;)


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