Monday, December 06, 2004


What a wonderful weekend. Chris and I took a little mini-vacation to Houston. Spent the weekend in a hotel near the museum district and walked around to a few museums on Saturday. We went out to The Cafe Saturday night. We swam in the hotel pool. Spending such a large uninterrupted block of time with him was a lot of fun - and also quite informative....

He's been completely humanized. Spending that much time with anyone is bound to drag him down from Mount Olympus and make him seem more real. There was no major revelation, no smoking gun to his descent - just a gradual realization - he's no longer the "perfect man" that I thought he was - he's just Chris.

This is great for me because I am no longer hanging around all day with the perfect man dangling just out of my reach. My thoughts aren't constantly taken up trying to wrap my mind around such a perfect being. I think I'm more able to just sit around, relax, and be his friend. What happens past that is just the future - one which I can't control, and don't want to.

There were a few close calls over our weekend. There were times when my heart got away from me and I fell hard and fast. I had to stop, clear my head, pick myself up and start again. I had to remind myself of the reality of the situation. I'm getting better though...much better.

I was sitting this morning listening to a CD by a sweet little red-head from Austin named Ginger Mackenzie. She does a great cover of Joni Mitchell's "Help Me". I listened to the song, remembered the words, and thought it was so funny I hadn't thought of them before. They're so fitting for my life at the I'm going to cheeseball it up and post the lyrics.

Still reeling from one of the greatest weekends ever...

Joni Mitchell

Help me
I think I'm falling
In love again
When I get that crazy feeling,
I know I'm in trouble again
I'm in trouble
'Cause you're a rambler and a gambler
And a sweet-talking-ladies man
And you love your lovin'
But not like you love your freedom
Help me
I think I'm falling
In love too fast
It's got me hoping for the future
And worrying about the past
'Cause I've seen some hot hot blazes
Come down to smoke and ash
We love our lovin'
But not like we love our freedom
Didn't it feel good
We were sitting there talking
Or lying there not talking
Didn't it feel good
You dance with the lady
With the hole in her stocking
Didn't it feel good
Didn't it feel good
Help me
I think I'm falling
In love with you
Are you going to let me go there by myself
That's such a lonely thing to do
Both of us flirting around
Flirting and flirting
Hurting too
We love our lovin'
But not like we love our freedom


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