Thursday, December 23, 2004

HEY! I remember this... is my only Thursday in December to have to work a full day. I will admit that I got VERY used to getting a couple more hours of sleep after my Wednesday nights at the cafe. I'd almost forgotten how sleepy I can get on a Thursday morning sitting around here at work. Of course, I've got PLENTY to do to keep my mind occupied - it's just a matter of keeping myself on task. As a great example of how poorly I am doing at this, here I am in the afternoon blogging.

In the good news department I seem to have made the turn on my sinus issues. Last night at the Cafe there was actually a point where I was feeling mostly normal. It was a little rough getting up again this morning, but this afternoon things seem to be looking better as well. If I can keep up with my medication regimen I hope to have this thing licked by the end of the weekend. Keep your fingers crossed.

In the confusing news department, let me just say "Be careful what you wish for." Here I am, the world's biggest dumbass, pining away after a relationship. During this time I have gotten to know a number of very nice (and some just tolerably nice) guys in person and over the internet. Just when I am at the point where I'm juggling more boys than I ever imagined possible (and loving it, by the way) one of these nice boys lets me know that he wants me to be "his girl". He lets me know this just hours prior to my standing Wednesday night appointment with the Cafe and Chris. I let him know that I already have plans for the evening which include another guy and he's understandably upset. He wants me to cancel my plans. He wants me to ditch out on the Cafe. Now let me tell you something about me. Number one, not even a possible debilitating sinus issue is going to keep me away from a Wednesday at the Cafe. Number two, I DEFINITELY don't flake out on my friends when I've made plans with them - especially not when breaking the plans would only give my friend a few hours notice. So...I let Josh know in no uncertain terms that if he wanted to pursue something more than our casual conversations, it would not be today. I figured I could pick up with him later.
Well here's the really confusing part. A good chunk of my heart was actually really excited over the prospect of a relationship. "This is just what we've been waiting for," it tells me. That good chunk, however, got weewee'd on last night as I'm kissing and cuddling with Chris - realizing how much I'm going to miss the freedom to be able to do that every Wednesday night with Chris, and every other night with whoever else I want to cuddle and kiss. I've got an friend now who is living out of town who will be in to visit before too long. I'm going to be really honest and admit that I'm definitely looking forward to getting to know him really well when he is here. Wouldn't that suck if he ended up on my doorway and I had to turn him away with apologies because I am now someone's "girl"?

Am I really as ready for a relationship as I thought I was?

Interesting questions to ponder over the holiday weekend...

Have a great long weekend everybody - and a wonderful (insert whatever spiritual holiday you choose to celebrate around this time of year - because hey, we've all got one).

I won't be back in the office until Tuesday, so you may not get any fresh blogginess from me until then - unless I actually get ambitious and set up my laptop at home. But I see that is a pretty common thing around this time of year...none of my favorite blogs have been updated lately.

Until next time,
Darbi - confused and dumbfounded


At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Repeat after me "I don't need a relationship to make me happy, I don't need a relationship to make me happy, I don't need a relationship to make me happy....."

Oh wait, I should take my own advice before I tell someone else what to do. LOL!


At 9:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I think of you, I think of you as a butterfly that needs to be free. As beautiful as you are, my fear is someone will want to capture you or use you. I don't want either of those things for you. Your beauty needs to be shared and the light you have needs to be seen. Spread your wings and fly. When is it is dark show your light. Freedom is the greatest gift you can give yourself.


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