Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Starting Over / New Beginnings

Well...yesterday's 10.0 migraine started at around 2 and finally let go around 9. It was hellish...

But I slept. I slept deeply. And I dreamed.

I dreamed one of those insanely vivid dreams that you're sure must mean something. And I think mine did. I either need to start over or am about to start over. Some new beginning is on the way. This is my dream.

I am living with my current roommates - Carmilla and Buddy. But we are not living in the house we are now. I think we are actually living in Hyde Park in Austin - which I consider to be circumstancial since I've just been thinking of moving there a lot lately. I'm at home and Carmilla grabs me and takes me out of the house. She says that it is time to start over - time for a new start. She says we will go out for a walk or a jog. I go along willingly. On the way out she knocks over one of those old fashioned oil lamps - full. Oil spills all over the floor and the flame catches it all on fire. We leave the house and are walking. Our walking gets steadily faster until we are up to a jog. We are heading into a retail district. About the time we are at an all-out sprint, I look to my right and see a guy named Mike Potter, who is an accountant I work with. He's a really great guy and I have nothing but respect for him. He and his wife are expecting their second baby in a couple of months and I'm ridiculously excited for them. Carmilla and I are sprinting, and Mike is keeping up, but somehow he is going the same speed but is walking leisurely. I look back ahead and we are at a store. Carmilla and I shop for a few minutes - just browsing. We leave the store without buying anything and decide enough time has passed that we can go back to the house. We walk back to the house - the whole time we can see the smoke from our burining home lifting high up into the air. It takes us MUCH longer to walk home than it did to get to the store. When we get there our house is completely gutted by the fire, Buddy is there, and our neighbors are starting to go thru the debris. We feign surprise. I ask what has survived. I think of all that I lost. A neighbor brings me by two things and says that this is all that is left of my stuff - my green fleece pullover and one blue purse (I haven't carried this one in a LONG time but it is in my closet with my other 15 purses). I realize that I *am* starting over and that this is all I am starting with.

The dream is over and I wake up. I'm immediately struck by how vivid it is and how much I can remember from it. I decide to go to my tarot cards. I shuffle them, still thinking about the dream. I draw Tara - Beginnings - right-side-up. My tarot books says:

"Tibetans believe that the goddess Tara has the power to heal all sorrows and grant all wishes. Tara is honored as the protectress against the many fears that block men and women from living in happiness and harmony. Meanings: Innocence which protects. New beginnings. Optimism. Innocent trust."

Anyone have any ideas? I'm sure that all of this means a lot, but I don't know what yet.


At 7:26 AM, Blogger Misty said...

Oh Sister

That dream your heart was talking. For everything there is a season, a time for everything. This is your time and you are ready. I am not ready for you to go to Austin but, what the hell, sounds like Dude and I have some road trips a head of us.

At 6:41 PM, Blogger L said...

wow! i think that the fact that your dream is so clear and in order means something. it's like it was your inner self talking to you. new beginnings are great, take the jump!!!
i also find it awesome that you read tarot. i've been meaning to teach myself that for like...10 years...


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