Monday, March 07, 2005

Oh 1

Okay. So this is my first Chris post in almost a month. Give me some credit, here, people! I just can't not write about him today - so bear with me.

I didn't sleep a wink last night. We had company over until late - around 12:15 or so - but I did go to bed RIGHT after, so I should have been dead asleep by 12:30ish...should have been. I laid there and checked the clock - 1am...2am...3am...4am (geez I've got to start waking up soon)...5am...5:30 (alarms start going off and I convince myself that if I can just get to sleep I deserve to stay in bed until 6). I swear I looked at the clock every 5 minutes until 6 rolled around. So I get up and start the day.
Those who know me and know me well should know that I generally don't have any issue getting to sleep. I could sleep standing up if I decided it was time. I've slept on strangers couches, in cars, in hallways of high schools and universities. I'm an expert sleeper - I get the job done.
The reason for this odd wakefulness? At 4:00pm yesterday afternoon I watched my beloved Oren Hatchback and Chris heading away down my street. I don't expect to see either of them again until late Sunday morning or early Sunday afternoon - I HOPE! There are fears swimming through my head that I know and a whole slew of them that are hiding in the shadows just past my sight.
First, I'm obviouisly worried about my car. I trust Chris indefinitely - I really do. But Houston is a pretty ridiculous place to drive - and he's also taking a couple of road trips this week. And I just hope that all of the other idiot drivers on the road take it real easy and drive as safely as he will. Much more than the safety of Oren Hatchback I worry about the safety of the folks IN the car. Oren, as ballsy as he is, is quite a small little vehicle - and while the safety of MINIs is astounding and wonderful I worry. If an accident were to happen, I just hope that everyone riding in the car is safe. These are just trivial fears, though, as I know that Chris is a wonderful driver and will keep everyone safe.

Second, I just can't help it, I'm afraid of what a visit from her (he calls her Luci, I don't know what to call her) will do to us. I know that he is not going to ditch his entire life here in the Houston area and all of his friends to go back and be a family up north, but it's still a scary concept. I get a little nervous when dealing with situations where the outcome is completely unknown. I know I'll never lose him as a friend - which at the end of the day is all I really care about - but it's still kind of a scary concept. I've gotten really happy settled into what we have. I guess it's just a matter of druthers. I druther things stay just how they are! :-D

And then...there's the unknowns. There's those things that I know that are there that I could never expect. There are those things that come up and slap you in the side of the head really hard when you're not looking. Those are the things that scare me the most. I trust that the situation is all going to work out fine - my horoscope even said so today - but I just can't help but be scared. I'm trying hard not to. I plan to bury my head in the land of Stephen King this week and try not to think much. Ha! Me- not think...what a concept. Oh well - I'll give it my best shot anyway...

I suppose that's all for now. Just had to get a little off my chest.

Trying to trust the stars,



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