Coping

Why is blogger being so stupid today?? Oh well…I will not take up my blogging space bitching and moaning about it…at least not anymore! :-D

So here’s how the week is going up to this point. Yesterday brought some really interesting happenings and realizations.

First, yesterday afternoon I got a random IM from a guy that I used to chat with pretty regularly – Josh. Josh has been by the house before and was one of my “good friends” during my Keep Chris Casual days. I hadn’t talked to him in a really long time, so the random “hello” in the IM was quite a surprise. Well he wanted to come by last night. I said okay. Chris and I have an “openness optional” relationship so I wasn’t exactly worried about repercussions so I figured what the hell…
And then I started thinking…
And it didn’t feel right…
I don’t really know why I changed my mind but I did. It could be any number of reasons really – or a combination of all of them. I haven’t quite put my finger on it yet.

• Maybe I just didn’t want to be the first to take advantage of the Open Option
• Maybe I just didn’t feel like going home and shaving my legs
• Maybe it was because my Romantic Daily Horoscope said not to make any plans for the day or to cancel any made plans
• Maybe I remembered that I’m just not that into Josh
• Maybe I was just looking for an excuse to keep Chris off my mind for a night instead of cleaning
  …or scariest of all…
• Maybe I just don’t want to be with anybody else. This reason is the scariest because with the “openness option” this would leave me in the prime position to get really hurt. Ewww…

Whatever the reason, or combination or reasons, I cancelled. Basically it just didn’t seem worth the mental struggle. I felt so much better after that – and I know I made the right decision. Of course, he seemed pretty pissed so I’d imagine this isn’t a decision I’m going to have to make again – I doubt he’ll call. Oh well – no loss!

So I spent the evening cleaning more stuff around my room. Last night I tackled more paperwork in/on/around my desk and cleaned out a couple of shelves on my bookcases.

I also watched some TV. I’ve watched a lot of TV this week, which is really weird. I’d definitely gotten out of the habit since getting such a busy social life and it’s a hard habit to get back into. Did anyone catch last night’s episode of That 70’s Show? I did and am quite ashamed to admit that I cried (it was a happy, touching cry – nothing bad). It just hit really, really close to home. Kelso spent a day with his little baby daughter and realized how much he wanted to build a real relationship with her. He realized that daddies are so important in a little girls life, and they are. My daddy is so important to me. I don’t think any girl should be without hers.

Coping...I'm at it,

Darbi