Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Something's changing

Something is different. I can't really put my finger on it. But something feels different inside.

After I left my husband I hit the ground running. I was hungry for everything that I had been missing over the last five years. I grappled for everything that my Arian heart ached for - passion, pleasure, and lust. And I got it. I loved it. I had everything that I wanted and enjoyed it.

But for the first time, last night, I didn't want it anymore. It was there, sitting right in front of me. And my heart said no.

I don't know why. I don't know if it was the situation or if it was my mood, but I didn't want it anymore. I woke up this morning and didn't regret it.

What is changing in me? Have I drank my fill? Will things be different now? Is this a positive change or is something wrong?

Things are strange and I can't quite wrap my mind around this yet.


At 9:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As with everything there are ebbs and flows. You may never want to go back to that and you may wake up tomorrow and be right back where you were a few days ago.

I would hesitate to say that it is wrong. I have gone through many transformations in my life and expect that I will continue to transform. This is a good thing. We are not the same person from day to day, minute to minute, or second to second. Isn't it wonderful?

Love ya,


At 11:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

...I'll talk more about it with you later probably. I'm sure it'll come up. But I was like that too after I exited the military, and then went to the Ren Faire... so much life and love and freedom. So I joined in ..and liked it...nay...LOVED IT. And even out in my circle of friends i didn't exactly leave "fair behaviour" at fair. Nearly lost a few friends over it, and iI have toned down a bit and controlled myself since, and the want for more has subsided as well...Now I'm just taking it as it comes kind of... Like the other guy said...things come and go...it's the ebb and flow of life.
Well I hope to see you Wednesday night so we can go to the Cafe...I'll see you on Yahoo in the morning though at least a li'l.
Take care babe,
Chris J


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