Friday, September 17, 2004

Jareth, where are you?

Okay. So I sat down last night determined to think of something besides my lack of a sex life to talk about on my blog. And it worked out really great for me. While I was unable to come up with a subject TOO far out, I did come to an epiphany about the kind of man I want in a relationship (not that I'm looking for one right now). I'm looking for Jareth. That's right, the Goblin King from the movie Labyrinth. Now before you all start looking at me strangely let me explain.
I am naturally a "giver". I've always been generous. Just tell me what you need, and I'll hand it right over. I was always getting in trouble in elementary school for giving away my lunch money to the kid who forgot theirs. I still tend to lend money to people too regularly and never expect it in return. Ask me to lay down in the middle of the street and die for you - chances are if we haven't just met (and maybe even if we have) I'll do it. That's just me. It is also quite apparent in my relationships. I give and give and give. That's what I do. When I dedicate myself to one person I will do just about anything for them. Down to the real nitty gritty - I'm very much a submissive. Sexually, I like to be dominated, told what to do. So yeah, I guess you get the idea by now...I'm a giver.
The problem with this is that people tend to take advantage of me. They ask too much. They stretch me too thin. This was exactly the problem with my husband. He controlled me too much, muted my spirit, and never gave a thing in return. He always wanted more. Eventually I got tired of it and left. That's it.
So in thinking about all of this mess last night I got to thinking about The Labyrinth, which is truly one of my favorite movies of all time. Let me give you a little summary of how this movie works. There's a girl, Sara, whose little brother is stolen by the Goblin King, Jareth. Jareth becomes obsessed with Sara and wants her to stay with him in this magical goblin land instead of getting her brother back and going back to the "real world". Sara refuses, and this upsets Jareth. Seeing as how he is a king and all, he's not used to being told "no". So he tries and tries to get her to stay. This all culminates into a scene at the end of the movie where she is about to say the "magic words" and scoot it back to the real world with her baby brother. Jareth tells her, "Just fear me, love me, do as I say - and I will be your slave." THIS, folks, is what I am looking for. Someone who will give to me just as much as I am giving to him.
As an extension to this I got to thinking about true dom/sub relationships. Most people know that the submissive in a sexual relationship is the one that is controlled, but also the one with all of the power. In a proper dom/sub relationship there is usually a "safe" word or phrase that tells the dom he or she has gone too far and needs to stop. That is one of the real draws to being a sub - having power but not using it unless it's really needed. I guess that's what I like about it. That also gives a little more insight into why my relationship ended. I lost all power and was only expected to give. I said no and he said "fuck you". So...when my figurative safe word no longer worked for me - I knew it was time to get out. And I did. I'm so glad I finally found the strength.
So, back to a lighter note - where is my Jareth? Where is my Goblin King? I have no doubt in my mind if someone walked up to me right now and said, "Just fear me, love me, do as I say - and I will be your slave" I have no doubt I would melt like butter and be his forever! Of course, the long hair and tight pants wouldn't hurt a thing either....

I'm off after work to a Pagan Women's retreat that will last the whole weekend. I'm really excited about it and think I could use the break! Hopefully I will have something good to say when I get back next week.

Have a great weekend, everybody!



At 8:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, Now I am distracted and still thinking...Everyone is looking for their Goblin King..Does he exists? Can't answer that..But this is also coming from a person who is dating to men at the same time because they each fill avoid the other one does not...What are you suppose to do? Play..You haven't yet..You are young and so special..You will get burnt, your heart will break but eventually everything comes out in the wash...My own regrets are mixed into this message... Everyday is an adventure, make it so the adventure never ends because if you don't you find yourself on the outside looking in, dealing with an eight year old, who doesn't respect you, won't do his homework, a hairy dog that has to have a bath once a week, a bitchy cat that is demanding and selfish, locking your self in the bathroom for five minutes so you can have some peace..We all make decisions, we all make mistakes, but never forget the adventure you create or you will end up like me...Wanting and wishing, never getting...I love my child, I love my dog and yes, I love the bitchy cat but if I had it to do all over again, I would wait..So I wouldn't be growing up with my child, my adventure would have been longer, and just maybe I would have a reason to never look back..Unlike now, when I catch myself looking back, wanting and wishing..Make it so when you are 31 are not wishing and wanting... From Sub...To Another C:-]

At 8:20 AM, Blogger Warbling Warbler said...

Hey Darbi,I totally relate to u on this.I cudn't have said it better than this.U've got a nice style of writing.Keep trying,u never know when or where u'll find ur Goblin King.


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