Sunday, September 19, 2004

A Beautiful Weekend

Well, my weekend retreat was really really amazing. Spending time with a group of Pagan women really put things into perspective and helped me recharge. I wish that I could keep the feeling that I had over the weekend all the time. The women were just wonderful. They were young, old, big, small, from many cultures - but all beautiful. Looking at all of them, their beauty reflected back on me and I felt beautiful for the first time in a long time. All of my insecurities, all of my negative self-image melted away with every passing hour.

My new goal is to work to make myself a healthier person inside and out. I want to be as beautiful on the outside as I felt on the inside over the weekend. I think I was looking at the wrong motivation for improving myself. I wanted to look "right", I wanted to look good so that someone could like me. What I am looking for now is just to feel better and take better care of myself in general. I can be happy with my body. I think I had to accept that before I could be ready to make any improvements on my body.

So I will keep you posted on my progress.

More on the weekend. I drank a lot, did a couple of rituals, chanted, found out I'm damn good at drumming, and danced around the fire, and tie-dyed my own sarong! Rain came on Saturday night, but we went on with the ritual as planned. It was really amazing circling around a fire in the rain with a group of deeply spiritual friends. We didn't let the rain spoil the moment - it amplified it.

Still trying to sort out a lot of the feelings that came from the weekend. I will keep you posted on those as I work it out.

My favorite chant -
I am a strong woman
I am a story woman
I am a healer
My soul will never die



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