Thursday, April 28, 2005

Call it research...

Okay so I have not made time to sit and consider my situation yet this week. If all else fails I will try and do some serious soul searching on the way to Faire this weekend - Chris will be driving Molly and will be pulling all driving shifts since I can't drive her. I'll get comfy in the back of the van and do some thinking I PROMISE. When I'm not reading The Wastelands... :-D

I think the reason why I haven't made much of an effort to dig is because I'm scared. Like I have said numerous times I am ridiculously happy with my current situation. As lost as I might feel, it's a good feeling. It's kind of like being drunk I suppose - I feel completely out of control and lost, but I'm not complaining. I suppose it's like the time I was getting on a little too well with my whiskey and had to start 12-steppin'. I've got to find some way to get control again. Of course just like 12-stepping, change is scary. I may be having more fun now - what if the "right" life just isn't as much fun. What if change means that I have to make some difficult decisions? I'm scared.

So...you might ask, "Just what the fuck have you been up to?" Well I have been doing some good things - laundry, cleaning out the garage, catching up with some reading, some old friends, a steamy-lovely-hot bath, and a bike ride. Despite my lost feeling and the ever-constant guilt twinge, I've had a very fulfilling couple of days. Of course, I have thought this through enough to completely justify my laziness. I'm doing research. Try bits and pieces of new or recently lost activities to see how you feel. See how they fit into my life. Test the waters. So...research is going well! Hopefully I will be able to halt research soon to start analyzing. We'll see how it goes.

Happy Thursday!
Darbi

2 Comments:

At 6:22 AM, Blogger Agent 99 said...

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost."
- Cesare di Bonesana Beccaria

Don't question your road, unless you are not happy. Growth can be difficult, but the efforts are always appreciated in hindsight.

Take heart Sister...you'll do fine.

 
At 12:06 AM, Blogger The Merry Widow said...

Come do some research at my house!

 

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